Tuesday, February 21, 2012



Never would I have described myself as being passive aggressive,
but trying to make yourself clear while avoiding saying what you think will do that.

I am passive aggressive.
I guess that's better than being aggressive, which is what I usually am. or what I used to be.

Who am I kidding?
aggression > passive aggression.
when did I turn into such a sissy? someone come kick me and tell me to get some balls.

I think relationships are hard to change.
If you've set them up to behave a certain way,
it's kinda of jarring for either party in the relationship to drastically change their behavior.
they key is to setting them up to behave well from the beginning;
to set expectations and make reactions clear.

maybe the control freak in me is being extra freaky today.

All of my future relationships will have clearly defined functions.
not that they won't be able to change, but so long as they continue the way they began,
they will behave within the prescribed limits.
like math.
a function has a clear equation, and if you add or take away from it, transform it, it's something else.
it's no longer the parent function, in fact, you can create a different function completely.
by changing around the variables, ya change how they interact, and the relationship totally changes.

on a different note.

I'm passionate.
I'm not passionate about one thing in particular, I'm just a passionate person.
Whatever I choose to do, I do all the way.
I become slightly obsessive.
I try to be the best.

But I'm not a perfectionist.
I realized a long time ago that perfection is unattainable...
there's always someone better, and to contrast, there's always someone worse.
(unless it's bowling, then, I'm the worst)

Life is poetry in motion.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Bucket List

“I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden. I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived."
-Marjorie Pay Hinckley

1. go to Jerusalem
2. go to Germany
3. Ireland, Scotland, Wales and England -- one trip!
4. Go to Greece (again!)
5. go to South Africa
6. go to Morocco and Egypt (in one trip)
7. Go to Paris (again!) /Southern France
8. chinese fire drill
9. steal a car
10. Visit all 50 states -- no airports! Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, Wyoming
11. jump 5' (on horseback)
12. win a photography contest
13. fly first class
14. plan someone else's wedding
15. go to Brazil
16. go to Cabo San Lucas
17. ride in a rodeo
18. see the Church of Trees in Belgium
19. get married
20. see Alcatraz
21. go to Disneyland
22. raise kids
23. get published (photos, essays, poetry-- something!)
22. get a degree
24. build a home
25. have no debt
26. have my own vegetable and herb garden as well as small orchard
27. skydive
28. go for a hot air balloon ride
29. fly in a helicopter
30. ride in an ambulance (preferably as a paramedic)
31. grow my hair out
32. see New Orleans
33. buy workings for our Grandfather Clock from the Black Forest
34. See the Aurora Lights in Alaska

"I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I just lived the length of it.
I want to have lived the width of it as well."
-Diane Ackerman